Stages of grief

“A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn't care if you're not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.”

(Her first day home, 8 weeks old on my moms lap. I was 11)

Has it really almost been 2 months since my last post? 2 months since I made to date the hardest decision of my life! I know it may sound silly to some, but I'll try my best to explain. Have you ever had to make the choice to end the life of another? them being someone(something) you LOVE dearly?

Unfortunately I have. Dogs are not just animals, they are not just pets, they are family, friends, and confidants.(her spot, and her look..like... what?")

The last few years and months of Molly's life were inevitably hard, as she aged, grew weaker, greyer, less mobile, and skinnier it was a constant reminder of her time on earth was short, and that unless she slipped silently in the night it was my decision, and my decision alone to end it. Molly had a large mass that grew on her mammary, it started small when she was about 10 years old, over the 4 years before she passed it grew to be about the size of a cantaloupe. When it was large enough for concern we consoled a vet, which said at her age surgery would be expensive, invasive, and not worth it, her heart most likely wouldn't even make it through. So we made the choice to let her live her life out. Which for the next 4 years she did! It never even seemed to bother her, even as it grew to freakish size! Molly smiled. She actually smiled. (smiling) I miss it. It was obvious she was happy. She did the funniest thing too, if you scratched the top of her back-end above her non-existent tail she would do what an old roommate of my brother and mine called "the butt dance" it was hilarious. She literally danced, lifting her feet from the ground, shaking her rear back and forth (while smiling) and dancing. I said to myself almost every time she did it "I need to record this" and I regret every day that I never did. When I was in high school, Molly was about 5 years old, she cuddled me every night in bed, and times when I would cry she would lick the tears from my cheeks. About the time she was a "teenager" she would even talk back, if you told her no, or did something she didn't like she would groan and moan, and I would say to her "don't talk back to me" and she would continue on groaning. So funny. I married Jake when I was 19 and molly was 8, not only did Jake gain a wife, he gained a dog. Molly became our first child. Jake and I dated when I was 16, so he knew Molly when she was a ripe young pup, and loved her too. He used to wrestle with her, and play tug. She loved him. When McKenzie was born we brought a blanket from the hospital home for molly to smell before introducing her to the baby. Immediately upon meeting the new baby Molly was gentle, and sweet. She knew that moving baby inside me belly all those months was the little person sitting in my arms, and she knew she was to love her as much as I did. And again with Brady, and Kaitlyn birth. She was sweet and gentle as ever.

(Kisses from McKenzie)

Molly lived through McKenzie and Brady both learning to crawl, and she was a major source of playtime for those kiddos. Yet, she laid there and took beatings, and grabs, ear pulling and screams....being covered by blankets...(tortured by little children)

Kaitlyn was born this April, so was only here 5 months before Molly left us. Molly though, would lay down at my feet as I rocked her each night, mornings. Molly became more of my shadow in those last few months of her life, and even now as I rock Kaitlyn to bed, I stare at the carpet where Molly would lay, and cry. Wishing she was there, wishing she was still with me. 2 weeks ago, I was at the vet having Shelby (our new pup) examined. She was getting a micro chipped placed in the other room while I sat and waiting alone. I found a flyer that read "losing your pet" I opened it and read the stages of grief.

• Denial - This can't be happening to me/my pet!
• Anger - Why me? This isn't fair!
• Bargaining - If I could just have more time, find the best cure, do something to change the outcome.
• Depression - The grief and sadness can be overwhelming.
• Acceptance - My pet is now in a better place
  

As I sat in that exam room, now crying I realized I was still in depression phase. It's been 2 months, and even with a new pup, I haven't come to accept that my Molly is gone.

Sometimes I even back track to the bargaining phase, and try to think of someway or somehow I could have prolonged her...but then I do realize her loss of "life" her spunk, her quality. I am often reminded of a quote I read: "If dogs don't go to heaven, I want to go where they go!" I AGREE!! and also the famous quote "It is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all" I believe this isn't just meant for the love of a person, but a child, or a pet. I am coming to the acceptance phase slowly. Without Molly in my life I would never have felt the trueness of unconditional love, learned patience, and responsibility.

(Molly 2006, no tumor)

Sometimes I push my new dog away, like she isn't good enough, or never will be. The truth is, I love her already, she has already made me her "pet" and a part of our family and I fear already for the inevitable future in which I choose her time as well. At first I thought to myself "why did I get another dog then!? Just another heartbreak waiting to happen" But i remember my life, and my love for Molly, I have the love to give, and I have the need for a dog to love and protect me.

(This is the last picture I took of Molly, she's laying in the couch at the vet.)

So with that long depressing look into my life, here are a few quotes about dogs, to make us remember why we continue our love and ownership of pets (dogs especially)

A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him. “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” "You must always remember that, as far as the Bible is concerned, God only threw the humans out of Paradise” “If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.”

And here is my new pup Shelby, she is a German Shepherd. We decided a smart, protective family dog will suit our household well. She is now 16 weeks old, we got her when she was 8 weeks old. She is ridiculously smart, sweet, and silly. She is still very much a puppy, loved attention and once a day ets crazy and does laps around the house. We already love her, she will never replace our beloved Molly, but like a smart woman told me after I bought her "We don't replace the ones we loss, we just have the love to share with another"